Powerball Is Up To $675 MILLION

 

675! Six hundred seventy five million! Thats a lump sum payout of 413 mil. You’re like half way to buying the Miami Marlins or the Milwaukee Bucks with this lottery. Everyone always thinks about what they’d buy if they hit Powerball, and usually its like houses and cars. When you’re approaching 700 fucking million dollars you can get out there and start thinking about buying sports teams and shit. You switch from “hillbilly lottery rich” to like “I wanna do what those Sultans in Dubai do.” You can go buy a virgin at underground sex clubs and shit like that. We’re talking a whole new tier. Whole new level of money to burn.

What am I gonna do if I win Powerball? I think I’m gonna by myself a Cuban. One that knows beisbol. One with a hose for an arm and a tree trunk for a baseball bat. I’m gonna purchase Yoenis Cespedes and I’m gonna loan him to the Mets for a few years. This sounds a little bit slavery-ish but I’m gonna pay him like $120 million so its all good. This is me taking all my KFC Radio answers and putting my money where my mouth is. How much would I pay for a Mets World Series? Whatever Yo’s salary is. Thats my contribution. Basically half my Powerball. Plus I’m assuming that if I buy Yo I get him for more than just baseball. In the offseason we can smoke cigars and hunt ducks together and shit. All things considered one of the more sound investments you can make IMO.